Creating Family Values & Lasting Change

How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

Ready for a Change?

Are there certain things you would like to see happen in your home? Things you would like to change but it seems like no matter how hard you try, it doesn’t work?  

A silly example is shoes. Where do shoes constantly end up in your house? Are they all over the floor? Are your kids looking for them as you rush out the door? In the Manning family, we designated a basket for all shoes to go in at the foot of the stairs. We asked all the kids to put their shoes in the basket or in their rooms. We valued the kids taking care of their shoes and knowing where they were, especially when we needed to leave the house.  

The basket created a change. The change was based on a value. What is a value? It’s an important concept to your family. 

Here are some examples: 

  • Kids loving each other and playing together 
  • Kids cleaning their own rooms (without you nagging them) 
  • Kids engaging more with the family and less on their phones 

For an individual kid: 

  • Your three-year old asks for what they need instead of throwing a fit  
  • Your grade schooler completes their homework without procrastination  

How to Create Awesome Values in Your Home 

If you want to build a Crazy Cool Family, you have to know how to build values in your family. Parents you are the leaders. You are the influencers of your home. You can change the values in your home but you need to know how to do it. Today we are going to talk about how to build this lasting change into your family. 

Bottom Line: You can change the values in your home if you don’t like them! It is possible!  

Why Build Values in Your Home?

Matthew 11: 28-30, gives us the vision. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  

Family becomes so much easier when you build the right values into it. You are a team and God designed the “burden of family” to be lighter when we surrender it to God and do it His way!  

I’m Convinced! Where do We Start?  

  • Ask God 

Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds a house, they who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.

Ask God, “’What values do you have for our family?” The values your family will have is different from ours. You have a unique family and God will give you the right values for your family.  

  • Values Can be Big Or Small

Bottom Line: The bigger the value, the longer it takes to implement

Example: Brushing Teeth 

With our first 6 kids, we continuously sold them on brushing their teeth (a value for our family). We were given wisdom early on that if you will train your children to brush their teeth, you will save money later down the road. Our 7th kid (McCade) didn’t get the same amount of reinforcement and vision. He has seen lots of dentists in his time and now brushes his teeth without us asking.  

The point is, value takes time to develop and they need to be able to adapt as your family does. The whole goal is to put the value inside them. Remember parents, anger and forcefulness does not create a safe culture. Kids will rebel and lie if the value is forced upon them.  

You sell the value with affirmation, encouragement, and creative questions that come alongside the kid to help them build the value inside them.  
  • Real Change Takes Time 

Examples: Girls Don’t Say Shut Up

When we first got married, Mollie was 2. We had 3 girls in 3 ½ years which made us a family of 6 (Don & Suz and 4 little girls). One thing we did not like is the phrase “shut up.” We would constantly remind them not say it, yet it continued. We questioned our kid’s intelligence at certain points, but in the end the phrase left our house. We looked up one day and the girls were no longer saying this rude phrase.  

Bottom Line: Real change takes time, so be patient and keep investing in the value.  

  • Sometimes Values Need Consequences to be Solidified 

Honesty is a value we had, so lying was not acceptable. When our kids lied they received a consequence.  

When our kids would say “shut up,” we would wash their mouth out with soap. We told them we needed to wash out dirty words. It was a small, temporary consequence but it created lasting change in our family.  

At the end of the day, the only way your kids will know the family values is by you telling them. Find ways to share the values. Weave it into the fabric of your family. Consequences is part of the weaving, but not the only one! Find ways to talk about it along the way.  

“The deeper the value, the longer it takes to implement.”  

Remember the Steps  

  • Decide and define what you want 
  • Talk about it along the way
    • Look for opportunities to weave it into conversations 
  • Realize it is going to take a while 
  • Sell it consistently 
  • Praise when someone does it right 

The deeper the value, the longer it will take to implement. But it’s worth it because when you build a value, it sticks. Eventually the kids run with it and build it into themselves and each other!  

It is worth it to know, enforce, and live your values. Remember, the values are helping lighten the burden and create a team within your family.  

Values create a vision for your family and get everyone going in the same direction!  

Proverbs 29:18 says, Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.”   

We invite you to build values today! It truly does build lasting change in your family! Creating values takes time and energy. The deeper the value, the longer it takes. But it’s worth it. Family becomes easier as you build values into it. 

CCF Challenge: Decide on a value you want to implement in your family and go for it! 
How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

If you have a question or a parenting issue that you’d like us to discuss in a future podcast, email us at [email protected].

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