Tone of Voice

How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

Hey, You! Watch Your Tone!

Does your spouse ever say, “Honey, I don’t appreciate your tone? Often times our tone shuts down a conversation and creates a disconnect. We try and communicate with our words, but the tone prevents any connection.  

We actually have a lot of ways to communicate. The three main ones are body language, words, and tone.  

In today’s podcast, we are talking about tone of voice. What you say is important but HOW you say it is often more important.

Are You Interested Yet? 

A lot of times we say the concepts in we talk about are next level, but this time we want to say this is concept is a fine-tuned concept.  

You see, tone may not seem very important at first but after today’s podcast we believe you will see the extraordinary value it brings to every relationship in your family.  

The Bible says,  

  • “A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
  • “Let your gentleness be evident to all.” Philippians 4:5 
  • “Be kind and compassionate to one another.” Ephesians 4:32

In the first five to seven years as parents, we learned the value of tone. It seemed like our tone always got us into trouble. We struggled to have a calm voice in our home. A harsh tone especially affected the relationship with our daughters.  

Quick Dad Tip: Dads, you usually have a deeper tone of voice. Your tone carries authority and a demand of obedience. You never need to elevate your voice because your tone does the trick!  

Here is what we are saying. What the dad says goes a lot further than what the mom says. Dads, we highly encourage you to refrain from yelling because your tone already carries God-given authority as the father of the household. God designed it this way!  

Allow the Holy Spirit to let you see what your tone does. Watch the countenance of your kids when you have a harsh tone. They may not want to be around you due to tone!  

I believe the tone of our voice has a lot to do with the quality of your relationships.” Suzanne 

Moms, the same thing happens with our sons. Suzanne experiences this with the two boys at home. They come downstairs and need food. Occasionally, she may have an annoyed tone. They will pick up on it and shy away from her. The words may be great, but the tone dictates their response.

Bottom Line: Tone opens up or shuts down your kids. Be mindful of your tone!  

Tone of Voice is a Game Changer 

Changing your tone draws your kids in. No matter what relationship you are working on, tone either creates an atmosphere of peace or one of chaos. So, how does this apply to kids? Your kids deeply desire your acceptance. The tone you choose invites them in, or pushes them away.  

Take a moment and think about how your kids see you. Your littles see you as a giant and if your tone is threatening, they may see you as a scary giant! Your teens are looking for tone because they are sensitive to hypocrites and discern your tone as a way of seeing if you mean what you say.  

When you are a yelling out of control parent it will affect your relationships, especially the ones in your family. Kids will blame themselves for our negative tone. Our tone sends positive or negative things into our kid’s spirits. 

Passion can be loudness due to joy, happiness, and enthusiasm. The other side can be harmful. Anger, frustration, agitation, and loss of self-control can all come from a wrongful use of tone.  

Bottom Line: Your tone of voice has more impact than your words.

How Do We Change Our Tone? 

Awareness is Key!  

  1. Pay attention to your tone of voice. (mindfulness- what’s going on in me?)
  2. What causes us to use a good or bad tone?
  3. How do we take charge of what tone we use?
Awareness is seeing yourself and seeing how you are affecting others. Invite God in to show you how to change your tone and heal your relationships.  

Here Are a Few Practicals!

Practical #1: Stop before you speak 

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  

Stop before you say anything and ask yourself:

  1. Is this helpful?
  2. Will this build someone up?
  3. How am I feeling right now?
  4. It is going to come out in my tone?

Practical #2: Apologize if the Tone is Not Uplifting 

We tell our kids a lot, as a parent we do not get the right to yell at you. We can be authoritative, but never in anger. If we do, it is our job to go apologize. We know the damage tone can do.  

Label your tone and treat your kids with honor. God invites us to humble ourselves and admit our frustration. Remember, we want to connect with your kids. Use these moments to create healthier relationships 

Wrap Up:  

Parents, if you want your family to listen, use calmer and more inspiring tones. Create culture in your home by using inviting tones 

Our kids will often forget what we say to them but they’ll remember how we made them feel. Our tone of voice is ultimately connected to feelings. Use tone of voice to connect your relationships and make them stronger.  

Bottom Line: The better your tone, the better your connection with your kids.  

Don’t Believe Us?! Try This..

Do This Experiment: Talk to a dog. Say “I do not like you! and “No treats for you, dog!” in a high-pitched and sweet way. Then say, I love you and “You’re amazing” in a deep angry way. See how the dog responds to tone. Even dogs understand tone, so how much more do our kids!  

It’s a silly example, but it shows the value of tone. Dogs can pick up on it and all of your family members are much smarter than a dog! They are valuable. When you use peaceful tones, you open up the people in your family! Go practice using inviting tones and watch what happens.

Go be crazy, parents! Just don’t use any crazy tones:)
How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

If you have a question or a parenting issue that you’d like us to discuss in a future podcast, email us at [email protected].

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