This week we’re talking about lecturing. We want to help you become more of a listener and less of a lecturer. The more we listen and the less we lecture, the better our connection will be with our kids and the more they will actually listen to our lectures, our instructions to them.
So first, let’s lay out what a lecture scene looks like versus a listening scene.
Long, tedious reprimand
Has a negative, harsh tone
We repeat ourselves
We talk a lot and our kid is submissive
We are angry when they protest
It feels like they are being defiant
What does the lecture do to the child?
Impart wisdom (let’s face it, we know from our experience)
Closes pathways of communication and makes it all one sided
Makes the kid feel dumb
Makes the kid tune out so they actually don’t learn the wisdom being told to them
Makes kids lie and hide to avoid the lecture
Same intentions at lecturing, but a different method
We are trying to get the child to talk
We want to understand first
We are trying to get them to come to the right conclusion
We are careful with our words
What happens when we listen?
Opens our kid’s hearts to us
Shows them we are trustworthy
Gives kids the chance to grow in wisdom & discovery
Gives us insight into our children’s thoughts, feelings, soul
Builds a way for the relationship to grow
Tells them they can do no wrong in our eyes
Gives us the doorway to speak into their lives when needed
How do we listen?
Let them talk first
Ask questions to draw out their information
Guide them to the wise conclusion
Lecturing is ineffective. Listening will be much more effective in getting your kids to do what is right on their own.
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. -Proverbs 18:2
The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. -Proverbs 20:5
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. -James 1:19
When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. -Proverbs 10:19
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. -Matt. 5:37
If you have a question or a parenting issue that you’d like us to discuss in a future podcast, email us at [email protected].