80. How to Get Your Child to Listen to You

How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

This week we’re talking about lecturing. We want to help you become more of a listener and less of a lecturer.  The more we listen and the less we lecture, the better our connection will be with our kids and the more they will actually listen to our lectures, our instructions to them.  

So first, let’s lay out what a lecture scene looks like versus a listening scene. 


  • Long, tedious reprimand
  • Has a negative, harsh tone
  • We repeat ourselves
  • We talk a lot and our kid is submissive
  • We are angry when they protest
  • It feels like they are being defiant

What does the lecture do to the child?


  • Clarify
  • Teach
  • Impart wisdom (let’s face it, we know from our experience)


  • Closes pathways of communication and makes it all one sided
  • Makes the kid feel dumb
  • Makes the kid tune out so they actually don’t learn the wisdom being told to them
  • Makes kids lie and hide to avoid the lecture


  • Same intentions at lecturing, but a different method
  • We are trying to get the child to talk
  • We want to understand first
  • We are trying to get them to come to the right conclusion
  • We are careful with our words

What happens when we listen?

  • Opens our kid’s hearts to us
  • Shows them we are trustworthy
  • Gives kids the chance to grow in wisdom & discovery
  • Gives us insight into our children’s thoughts, feelings, soul
  • Builds a way for the relationship to grow
  • Tells them they can do no wrong in our eyes
  • Gives us the doorway to speak into their lives when needed

How do we listen?

  • Let them talk first
  • Ask questions to draw out their information
  • Guide them to the wise conclusion

Lecturing is ineffective.  Listening will be much more effective in getting your kids to do what is right on their own.


  • A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. -Proverbs 18:2
  • The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. -Proverbs 20:5
  • My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. -James 1:19
  • When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. -Proverbs 10:19
  • Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. -Matt. 5:37
How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

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