How to Earn the Respect You Truly Want From Your Kids

How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

Do you ever struggle with getting your kids to respect you? 

Today we want to go deeper into the concept of respect in hopes that as parents you will see it in a different way. The reality is, if the relationship you have with your kids lacks respect, it is a giant red flag that the relationship needs help, a fresh perspective, and a change in the way you are interacting with each other.

And it starts with changing you.

Understanding Respect and What to Do About It

Respect is a very powerful way to connect in relationships, and many people seem to misunderstand the correlation of giving and being given respect.

The breakdown happens when we expect the verb, the action of respect to be given to us, but we are not being the noun, being deserving of it.

What is respect?

Noun: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Example: I have respect for my son for always trying hard at math even though he does not like it. (To have)

Verb: to admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Example: I respect my dad because he never loses his cool with us kids. (To give)

We all want to be respected. Sometimes we are worthy of getting that respect because of our position, but most of the time we earn that respect by how we interact with others.

Scripture says:

• Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (Romans 12:10)

This means: We have to be the first one to give the respect to be the example of how to respect.

• Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed. (Romans 13:7)

o This means: We must give respect where it is owed because of the position of authority (parent, teacher, coach, president, etc.). If we don’t honor authority, our kids don’t have any example of what it looks like.

• So, whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

o This means: We must give respect to get respect. 

We asked kids, teenagers, and young adults these two questions. Their answers are very insightful! Our hope is you will re-evaluate how you expect and extend respect with your own kids.

  • What makes you respect someone?
  • What makes you not respect someone?

(Check out the full list of responses in today’s podcast!)

As you hear these answers, does it make you think about what makes you respect or not respect someone? What would you add to the list?

Your take-a-way: If there is not respect in your parent to child relationship, see that as a red flag that the relationship needs help, a fresh perspective and a change in the way you are interacting with each other.

We challenge you to ask your kids the same questions, and truly listen to what they say:

  • What makes you respect someone?
  • What makes you not respect someone?

And if you want to really make strides in your relationship get personal, and ask your kids the following: 

  • What do I do that makes you respect me?
  • What do I do that makes you not respect me?

AND use your self-control not to respond back with all the typical parent excuses. Choose to listen to what your kids have to constructively say so you can take your relationship to the next level.

Parents…you have great influence and control over the level of respect your kids give you. It all starts with you! When you extend to them your respect, they will start to mirror that back to you.

How To Connect With Your Spouse During The Holidays

If you have a question or a parenting issue that you’d like us to discuss in a future podcast, email us at [email protected].

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