What are others doing to strengthen their marriage during this time of quarantine?
Last week we talked about what we’ve been doing to improve our own marriage. Now it’s time to hear from other Crazy Cool parents!
We asked some parents a couple of questions, and their answers were fascinating!
What struggles are you having in your marriage during this season?
These couples shared their struggles, but they also shared the solution they found to improve the situation. One of our favorite things about God is His desire to take our difficult circumstances and turn them into relational gold.
STRUGGLE: Working from home together under the same roof. The kids didn’t understand and felt rejected because dad wasn’t playing with them in the same way he would on the weekends. SOLUTION: Communicate clearly about when dad’s available. Strategize. Come out often and interact regularly for short periods of time. Figure out how to do homeschooling while working.
STRUGGLE: Trying to work together to find a new normal for daily life. Struggling to not micro-manage our spouse to do our daily routine the way we do it. SOLUTION: Had to let my ideals go and be grateful for his help and company.
STRUGGLE: More work was created with cooking and cleaning up after everyone everyday. The spouse expected elaborate meals all day. SOLUTION: He learned to make his own breakfast and lunch.
STRUGGLE: Feeling burned out with people always there—never having a break! SOLUTION: Making sure we’re each getting our alone time—a drive around town, a walk time with Jesus. Building time in our schedule to get time to ourselves. Both spouses need alone time and time to spend with God.
STRUGGLE: Everyday feels like the same day. Time is a big blur, and there’s no direction. SOLUTION: Make the weekends special and different. Work together as a team. Talk out expectations about weekend plans so that we’re on the same page as to what we want to accomplish and prioritize. It’s helpful to spell it out with each other.
STRUGGLE: Breaking out of the normal routine created arguments and power struggles. What do we do with our unmet expectations of daily rhythms and routines? SOLUTION: Assume the best about the other person. When we assume the best in each other, there is less opportunity for offense to take root and grow into bitterness.
STRUGGLE: Being bogged down with the emotions and feelings of it all. We were both overwhelmed with no outside help and grieving the brokenness of our world and losses. We felt sad about the overwhelm and not having any outside help. This is what the new, day-in and day-out normal. SOLUTION: Having open lines of communication, shedding tears, repentance, forgiveness—which are all part of healing and reconciliation.
Now let’s talk about the fun stuff….
What are you doing that’s bringing life and connection to your marriage?
Being more affectionate. Now that everyone’s home during the day, we’re taking advantage of the time to hug, touch…(you know). 😊
Being intentional to pursue each other instead of checking out.
Asking questions and engaging with each other in conversation more often.
Making time and space to talk about things going on in the world.
Sharing how we’re feeling. Asking probing questions like, “What’s going on in your head? What are you thinking about lately? What’s bothering you?”
Creating in-home dates to make our time feel special.
Watching TV together.
Practicing gratitude as a couple/family daily. Sharing with each other what we’re grateful for.
Choosing joy as a couple daily.
Sharing the story we’re telling ourselves (idea from a Brene Brown book).
Having at least one date night a week. We’re getting the littles to bed early and allowing the big kids to have a “play date” with a special snack, toy, or a movie so we can have alone time.
Having fun together!!! (Virtual game nights, workout together, read the Bible together, tell each other jokes, go on walks.)
Having virtual date nights with other couples on a zoom call.
Staying in our lane. Don’t compare your marriage to other marriages. Especially with what you’re seeing on social media.
Reading a book by Gary Thomas called “Cherish” and talking about what makes us feel cherished.
Leaning into Jesus and each other instead of pulling away, which is our natural reaction.
Having sex! Connect intimately so connection will remain in all other areas of your marriage.
We have loved our time together over the last few months. Quarantine, though hard at times, really has been one of the sweetest times in our marriage!!
What can you do to make your marriage a sweet marriage?
Crazy Cool Challenge
Here’s a challenge for you guys! Put the kids to bed early and have an in-home date night where you spend time talking about your marriage. Discuss the past few months and how your marriage has grown or been challenged. Brag on each other. Talk about the wins—the things you have loved, the things you want to change or keep when your schedules get busy again. Tell your spouse how much you love them, why you love them, and what they do well.
Marriage is a dynamic relationship that is forever changing and always needing attention in order to strengthen and grow. Embrace the gift of time we have been given over these last few months and thank the Lord for all the places new connections were made in your marriage.
Post on our social media some of your marriage wins!
Go be crazy!
If you have a question or a parenting issue that you’d like us to discuss in a future podcast, email us at [email protected].