Time to Read: 2 minutes

Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  I believe that every married person should memorize these words and put them deep into their hearts. There is so much in this verse that applies to a healthy marriage.

I could write a book on this one verse, but for today let me bring out one important marriage point:  Stop giving advice to your spouse! Make your spouse have to drag advice out of you.

What?  Why would you say that? When I give advice, I am trying to help my spouse be their best.

How is that working out for you?  For me, so often as I am trying to help, it backfires.  My help becomes a hurt for my wife.

Men, how many times do you see your wife doing something with difficulty.  So you jump in and say something like this to our wives:  “Honey, this is not that hard! All you have to do it (fill in the blank)!  It’s easy if you will just try it this way!” Little Helpful Henry to the rescue!  Don’t worry, honey!  I have the answer for you!

Unintentionally — usually — what have we said to our wife?  For one, she is an idiot. If she only were smarter about life like you, life would be easy for her.  Second, she thinks she should have already known how to do this. Why hadn’t she thought of this before?  Third, she now applies this to her entire being. Not only is she not smart about this deal, but really she is not very smart at all.

Was that our intention?  Absolutely not. But it is definitely the result.  So how do we handle these situations? First of all, don’t give unsolicited advice.  Ask questions to help her come up with her own result. Make it her idea instead of yours. 

We should make our spouse have to work hard to get advice out of us instead of giving it so freely.  We will hurt them less and they will actually start listening to our advice more.  What a great trade!