Let Me Make Sure I Understand

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Let me make sure I understand.  

What a powerful statement we can make to our spouse and our kids! Put this statement in your family repertoire!  

So often our family issues are 20% the real issue and 80% miscommunication. By seeking to understand — especially before we lecture and/or hand out consequences — we will avoid so many parenting mistakes.

After you make your claim to want to understand, here are some ways to get there:

1. Ask the child to summarize what they said or what they are asking. And then don’t interrupt except to ask clarifying questions.  

2. Ask the child if you can summarize your understanding. Tone is important here, and they get to speak into your understanding to clarify for you. Stick to the facts as much as possible.  

Remember you are the parent. It is your job — not your child’s job — to gain clarity and understanding in a situation. The good news is understanding will help you avoid doing things you will regret later.