I’m reading a book called How to Know a Person by David Brooks. Here’s a quote from the book:
“And all these different skills rest on one foundational skill: the ability to understand what another person is going through. There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”
So well said! What if as parents we worried a little less about our child’s behavior and spent a little more time making sure they are seen and heard?
Did you make the connection in the quote? He connects “the ability to see someone else deeply” to that person feeling valued.
Do you think your child will act better or worse if they feel valued? We certainly believe they will act better and we have seen it work in our family and lots of others.
We talk about how kids act out in order to get attention. We usually think about that when a child throws a fit but often we don’t see the much more subtle cries to be heard from our children. Feeling seen and heard and valued by their parents is key for every child.
Maybe the child is withdrawn. Maybe they are not confident. Maybe they shy away from difficult things. Maybe they are obnoxious. Maybe they have to be the center of attention.
Are these examples always signs a child does not feel valued? Of course not. But is it worth some prayer about it? Is it worth thinking about how we can value our kids?
Often it doesn’t take a lot to help our children feel seen and valued. Listening to their story, giving them an encouraging word, giving them a big hug.
What are you going to do today to see and value your child today? (If you are married, bonus points for also trying with your spouse 😙!
