The symptom is a bad grade on a test. Or worse, multiple bad grades which is going to result in an overall bad grade in the class.
The performance in class is the problem. Now ask yourself — and God — this question: What is the core issue? When we find the answer to the core issue, we can solve the problem for good.
What are some possible core issues?
- The child does not know how to study.
- The child may be distracted in class.
- The child does not have confidence in taking tests.
- The child does not have a good organization system to know what to study and when to turn assignments in.
- The child’s teacher does not communicate well with your child.
- The child is not getting enough sleep.
- The child thinks the class is dumb and they will never use this information in real life.
How do we find out the core issues (or issues)? We ask questions. We move away from lecturing to exploring.
Start with something like this: “Hey I am seeing some grade issues with this class. What do you think is keeping you from doing well in this class?”
No matter what “excuses” they give at first, do your best to listen and ask more questions. Find out from them what they think the problem is.
Then form your possible solutions as questions. “Do you feel prepared when you go take the test? Are you confident you have studied well?”
Remember you can always lay down the law. You are the parent. However, as you move from immediate lecturing and solutions to more exploring for core issues, you will find that often this approach will get you to the core issues answer you need with much less conflict.
And then you have built a bridge with your child where now you can come alongside them and help them solve the core issues. Maybe you help them prepare for the next test. Maybe you help them be better organized so they always turn in their homework on time. Maybe you help them stop playing games late at night so they can go to bed and be rested for the next day.
Finding the core issues instead of always focusing on the symptoms is one of those “parenting gold” hacks that make parenting much easier, more fun, and certainly more effective.
