One day I wanted one of our daughters – she was a little under two at the time -- to go get her shoes. I said, “Go get your red shoes out of the closet and bring them to me so I can put them on you and we can go.”
She looked at me for a few seconds and I thought she did not understand what I said. So what was I going to do? Repeat myself of course and say it louder and clearer like I do in a foreign country and I want someone to understand my English.
But Suzanne stopped me and whispered, “She’s heard you and understands. Watch.”
And, of course, she was right. My daughter did understand. It just took her a while to process what I said. She proceeded to go to the closet and bring me the red shoes.
This is an example of a parenting principle that will help you avoid repeating yourself and lecturing your kids unnecessarily.
Your children understand more than they can communicate at every age.
It’s not just the little guys. It’s the same with teenagers. At every age, your children understand far more than they can communicate to you. The level of the information may be more complicated, but the principle is the same. Your children are growing and learning and often the world is moving faster than their brains can process and then communicate.
So what do we do? First of all, we do what Suzanne wisely instructed me to do. We say things and patiently wait for our children to process. Maybe we ask, “Do you understand?” (hopefully in a good tone?) or we ask them to repeat back to us what we said (again gently parents). We try to avoid repetition and getting frustrated because we understand their brains are working hard to try to process our request.
When I learned this, it was a real breakthrough in my connections with my kids. I saw their responses to me differently which made me more patient with them.
