At Crazy Cool Family, we’re passionate about guiding our children from parent control to self-control. After all, self-control is the final Fruit of the Spirit—an incredible goal for our kids!
When we talk about self-control, we mean that our kids make wise choices on their own. They follow God’s ways because they genuinely believe it’s best for their lives, not out of fear of punishment. One of our mantras? “It’s easier to raise kids who love Jesus!”
Most parents naturally start with instruction, thinking if we repeat things often (and loudly) enough, our kids will follow. And there’s value in instruction! Proverbs 6:20 says, “My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” If we don’t give commands and teaching, there’s nothing for our kids to “keep” and “not forsake.”
But then there’s Proverbs 20:5: “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, and a man of understanding will draw it out.” This proverb reminds us that sometimes it’s better to help our kids draw out their own understanding rather than just giving instructions.
Instead of responding to misbehavior with a lecture, we can use questions to guide their reflection:
Of course, as the parent, instruction is always an option! But if they already know what they did wrong, then questions allow them to own up to their mistakes without feeling judged. You’re no longer the disciplinarian—you’re the loving parent walking with them through a learning moment.
Does this approach take longer? Yes. But as we lean on questions more and on instruction less, we help our kids develop their own inner compass, leading them from parent control to true self-control. And that’s the ultimate goal, isn’t it?
